LOST IN THE 'BLUE'

I am diving into the depths of an ocean, to fetch a pearl. The idea to seek this life's elixir is so tantalizing that at times I am oblivious if it is a real necessity or a mere quest for luxury. Driven by the fellow divers, I dive in, not thinking once about the outcome. As I  go deeper, I am baffled by the astonishing silence.I am lost, suffocating in the pitch black darkness that surrounds me. The other divers have disappeared, they seem to have found their way through, I neither have a way in, nor a way out. For what was a seemingly obvious dive from the surface, turned into a horrific reality.This state of sulk conceives a sense of sudden disbelief , as if I am all too incompetent for this. I am left puzzled with two options. Give up my long awaited aspiration or be completely ignorant about the inhibitions and give it one final shot. Confused and bewildered I do nothing but cling on to the desires within and stealthily wait for a glimmer to power me through. I need a bit of hope and more of audacity, hoping that one day the fear inside would finally succumb under this immense desire to redeem the lost serenity. A desire to stay motivated and live carefree.

A VIVID DESIRE

Why do people take such a pain to fall in love? Is this relentless pursuit worth of all the time and money or is it a mere manifestation of human nature to value things those are hard to attain or is it a compulsive attempt to fill the void inside that has stayed vacant from an early age.Whatever it is, I call it addiction. A disease that bites like a snake and spreads like a poison.
                                                                             I can sense the same subtle yet substantial change in myself. For it has become a habit now, to come back after work, place a chair in the balcony and disappear in the sparkling lights of the concrete forest that surrounds me. I talk to myself for hours ,listen to music so religiously that even a small pause in between would spoil the show.I love to play it hard and loud, it helps me ease the pain.I keep the lights off , because lights and tears don't really fit well together. With every moment the scale of contemplation goes deeper and deeper. The surrounding shadow engulf me, bit by bit, and leaves me in a slur. I wonder if I am trying to squeeze too much out of my life,much than it has to offer, or if I am merely standing for my right . The right that is the most  fundamental of all, the right to love and to be loved.

AN INGLORIOUS DEFEAT

There are certain moments in life which we would like to shift delete from our past and flush out of our memories. I was struck with one such nightmare that day. When dreams were punctured and belief was fiddled with.  My seniors found a capable goalkeeper in me and being picked for the sports-fest came as a pleasant surprise. I did a fairly decent job to prove my worth. Our team cruised into the finals and then began the long 50 mins, moments that would keep me haunting for the rest of my life. An overleap that had bitter consequences, the one which I wish I could obviate.
                                                        The match flitted into it's 45th minute when an insidious shoot from the left flange popped in. I jostled for the ball with my own defender and under utter confusion it went past to a player who was in a lurk to convert such a sitter. Our hearts broken and a vibe of dismal loomed on our faces. We were doomed and down by 2 goals to 1 when the final whistle marked an end to an year long coveted fascination. I had no audacity to face my team-mates. Boiling spirits and amplified hopes, all came down to a subtle disbelief. I then realized what it really took to be a hero and that a lot is at stake in this pool of spectators. Where deliverance fetches triumph and failure seeks disapproval.